Final Fantasy VIII CLUE: Who Killed Rinoa
by LeMistressV
Summary: CHAPTER 4 UP!!! Squall, Quistis, Selphie, Zell, Irvine, Seifer, & Xu are trapped inside Edea's haunted manor with Rinoa's murderer. Who is it? And how will they ever survive?
1. Beware of the Kitchen

Final Fantasy VIII CLUE: Who Killed Rinoa

Presented by LeMistressV 

WARNING!!! This fanfic contains complete stupidity and OOC! If you are offended by this kind of material then leave now! Also, this fic contains RINOA-BASHING!!! IF YOU DON'T LIKE, DON'T READ! I HATE FLAMES AND I CAN'T STAND IT WHEN PEOPLE DON'T READ THE WARNINGS AND FLAME ME ANYWAY!!! 

Disclaimer: I don't own the cast of FF8. There, happy? SO DON'T SUE!!! 

· Starring the cast of Final Fantasy VIII: 

· Ms. Quistis Trepe 

· Colonel Squall Leonhart 

· Mr. Seifer Almasy 

· Mr. Irvine Kinneas 

· Ms. Selphie Tilmitt 

· Professor Zell Dinch 

· Ms. Xu 

· Mrs. Edea Kramer 

· Rinoa Heartilly 

Chapter 1 

Beware of the Kitchen 

(Setting: It's cold and dark. Nothing can be seen in sight. The only lights that are seen are the ones coming from a manor. Everything else is quiet. Anyway, moving on…Inside the manor arrive 7 guests, waiting for the surprises that are in store for them.)

Quistis (looks around): Not too shabby. 

Rinoa: (looks disgusted): Gross! You expect us to stay in here, Squall? 

Squall (mutters): You're the one who picked this place. 

Edea: Welcome to Death Manor, my humble home. 

Irvine (shivers): Nice name, quite catchy. 

Edea: Please enjoy your stay. Oh, and please don't die before eating dinner. I find it rather rude. 

Selphie: Thanks, I'll try to remember that. 

(Suddenly, a strange boy bumps into Selphie.)

Young man (looks around nervously): S…sorry. I didn't mean it. I was just trying to get away from…

Seifer: Getting away from whom? 

Young man: Uh, I…I…forgot… 

_(Everyone falls on the floor in anime style.) _

Irvine (sweat drop): Okay, so who are you anyway? 

Young man: Oh, I am Professor Z. Dinch. I'm Head of the Hot Dogs Department. 

Rinoa: What does the "Z" stand for? Zero? 

Zell (glares): That's my real name. Zell. 

Selphie (takes Zell's hand and shakes it): You mean _the Professor Zell? Wow! I'm a big fan of yours. I've read all your books! My favorite was The Many Ways to Steal a Hot Dog! Can I have your autograph? _

Quistis: I'm afraid we haven't properly introduced ourselves. I am Ms. Quistis Trepe. 

Squall: Colonel Squall Leonhart. 

Seifer: I'm Mr. Seifer Almasy. I'm Head of DCP. 

Selphie: DCP? What's that? 

Seifer: Department for Criminal Punishment. 

Squall (mutters): Betcha that would be the only place they'd take you in. 

Seifer: What was that, Puberty Boy? 

Squall: Nothing. 

Irvine: I am Mr. Irvine Kinneas, Head of the Gun Department. And guess what. I have _three degrees after my name! Wow!!!! _

Rinoa: How'd he manage that? 

Quistis: Ha! I have FIVE degrees after _my name._

Squall: … 

Selphie: Hiya! I'm Selphie. I'm the founder of _Trebia. _

Rinoa: _Trebia? Is that some kind of a band or something? _

Selphie: Yup! It's an organization to overrun the Skittles Factory!!! I wanna taste the rainbow!!!! 

Rinoa (Sweat drop): Okay…loser… 

Quistis: Oh, you mean like you? 

Rinoa: You wanna run that by me again? 

Quistis: I just did. 

Edea (clears her throat): Now that all of that is settled, I would like you all to meet another guest of mine. 

(A girl walks in, wearing a short skirt and a black sweatshirt. She looks VERY suspicious.)

Edea: This is Ms. Xu. She'll be staying here also. 

Xu: Hey. 

Edea: Uh, Xu, would you be a darling and show them their rooms? You've been here a couple of times, so you probably know all the passages already. 

Xu: Okay. Come on. _(goes up the stairs and begins to point to rooms) Here, this will be Squall and Irvine's room. Next door will be Seifer and Zell's. _

Seifer: Wha?! How come I get stuck with Chicken Wuss? 

Zell: WHAT DID YOU SAY?! 

Xu (ignoring the boys): The room across from that room will be Quistis and Selphie's. And the room next to that one will be Rinoa's and mine. Oh, and I think Edea would appreciate it if we we're not late for dinner. She doesn't like it if you're late. 

Irvine: What's she gonna do? Chop our heads off? 

Xu: That's a possibility. The last guest who was late for dinner NEVER came out of the kitchen…ALIVE! 

Selphie (gulps nervously): Never? You mean, never, never? 

Xu: Yup. NEVER ever. 

Irvine: So you're saying the guest still walked away? But not alive…? Cool!

Squall (grumbles): And he has three degrees after his name… 

Quistis: Why do things go the violent way? 

Rinoa: Who cares? 

Selphie: Definitely not you. 


	2. Beware, Rinoa

Chapter 2 

Beware, Rinoa 

(Everyone arrived at the table nervously. But somehow, it appeared that one of them was missing.)

Xu (looks around): That's funny, I thought she was right behind me. 

Zell: Oh my God! Rinoa's late for dinner! She's gonna get her head chopped off! 

Seifer: Serves her right. We warned her not to be late. 

Quistis: Oh honestly, guys. Really. Rinoa is not going to die just because she's late for dinner. 

Irvine: Yeah, well it's a nice thought. 

Edea (walks in looking frustrated): Where is that little brat…I mean, girl? My dinner is getting cold! 

Squall (shrugs): Knowing her, she probably got lost. 

Selphie (giggles amusedly): With _my directions, how can she get lost? All she had to do was go down the stairs, make a little loop over there, and little stroll there, and past the kitchen. _

Seifer: Oh yeah, like she's _really not gonna get lost with __those directions. _

Squall: Would all of you just shut up? You're all giving me a headache. 

Rinoa (walks in, fluffing her hair): Good, you didn't start without me. It would be rude to start without my graceful presence. 

Edea: Shall we begin? 

Zell: Say, Rinoa, where were you actually? 

Rinoa: Oh, I was just trying to find my way towards the dining room. It took me forever to find my way. Then I finally ended up in the kitchen… 

Zell: You went through the kitchen?! Oh my God! And you were late for dinner!!! Rinoa's gonna die!!! 

Rinoa: Don't be ridiculous. How can I die? I'm too beautiful to die. In fact, who would want to kill me at all? 

(Everyone secretly snickers to himself or herself. Thinking very EVIL thoughts.)

Rinoa: So, where's my food? 


	3. Die, Rinoa! Die!!!

Chapter 3

Die, Rinoa! Die!

(Rinoa tucks herself in her bed. She fluffs her hair again, and powders her nose. After that, she turns off the lights to her side of the room and falls asleep immediately. But, unknown to her, someone approaches her bed with a weapon in hand(s).)

Killer: That's the last time you ever powder your pathetic nose again. Mwahahahahahahahaha!

(The killer comes towards Rinoa and…stabs! And…and…stabs! And…stabs! And…STABS!!!)

Killer: Bwehehehehehehe!!!!

Rinoa (says five minutes after she was killed): Like Ahhhhhh! (and dies…) 

(Everyone runs in the room and screams.)

Seifer: AHHHHHHH!

Xu: AHHHHHHHH!!! 

Selphie: AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! I BROKE A NAIL! 

(Everyone glances at Selphie's broken nail and screams. After examining Selphie's broken nail, they happily walk towards Rinoa.)

Zell: Hey, Rinoa, nice job in trying to fool us. You can stop pretending now. 

Rinoa (opens her eyes and yells at Zell): I'm dead you bastard! (then dies again.) 

Zell: Oh. Well in that case…AAAAAAHHHHHH!!! 

Seifer (begins to sing): Ding-dong the witch is dead 'cause I bonked her in the head. Ding-dong the wicked witch is dead! 

Edea: Who you calling a witch?! 

Quistis: Morons. 

Squall: I say we get rid of the body. 

Zell: Good idea! 

Selphie: Wait! Remember in that movie, I Know What You Did Last Summer? What if Rinoa begins to stalk us? What if she kills each one of us? 

Irvine: Bad idea. 

Quistis: Hold up. Number one: Where are we supposed to bury her? Number two: Why would she kill each one of us if only one person killed her? And Number three: Where do you get all these ridiculous ideas? 

Irvine (suspiciously): How do you know she was murdered? And how do you know it was only one person who murdered her? 

Quistis (points to a sign taped on Rinoa's forehead): Lucky guess. 

Xu (takes the sign off Rinoa's head): "I have just been murdered. By you…" 

Zell: Yooooo hooooo!!!! Get it? _You who!! Heehehehehehe… _

Edea (glares at Zell because of his corny joke): Retard. 

Squall: How's she going to stalk us if she's already dead? 

Seifer: Yeah! Let's burn her body and spread her ashes into the wind! 

Irvine: Why don't we burn you and see if it works first! 

Edea: Would all of you just shut up! First of all, we don't even know if Rinoa's dead or not. Second of all, there's a murderer among us. And third of all…uh…I'll think about that one later. 


	4. Verdict

Chapter 4 

Verdict 

Zell: There's a murderer!? 

Selphie: No, shit! If Rinoa was murdered, then somebody _murdered her! Doh!!! _

Zell: Oh yeah! 

Seifer: Order! Order in the court! 

Qusitis: This isn't a court, Seifer. 

Squall: And you're not a judge. 

Seifer: Says who? 

Xu: Says everyone. 

Seifer: Oh well. But I'm taking over this show right now. 

Zell: Show? There's a show? 

Selphie (slaps Zell on the head): You're so slow, Zell. 

Seifer: I will ask each and every one of you and you better give me the truth or else you'll go to jail. I first call on Colonel Squall Leonhart as my first witness. 

Squall: This better be good. 

Seifer (retrieves Bible and slams it in front of Squall): Swear you'll say the truth and nothing but the truth. 

Squall: Yeah, yeah. I swear…Hurry up already. 

Seifer: Put your right hand on it and say it again! 

Squall (sighs and puts his right hand on the Bible): I swear to say the truth and nothing but the truth. 

Seifer: Good…Now, where were you on the day Rinoa Heartilly was murdered? 

Squall: It was at night. 

Seifer: Just answer the damn question! 

Squall: I was here. 

Seifer: Where here? 

Squall: In my room. Irvine wasn't there since he went towards the kitchen to get something to drink. 

Zell (gasps in horror after hearing the word "kitchen"): Oh my! 

Seifer: Did you HATE Rinoa Heartilly? 

Squall: She was kind of annoying. And she was a pain in the neck. 

Seifer: Why, did you dislike her? 

Squall: Because she was always bossing me around and she thinks I'm her boyfriend. 

Seifer: That will do, you may step down. Professor Irvine Kinneas! 

Irvine (steps up and reluctantly swears on the Bible): Yeah? 

Seifer: I recall Squall telling me that you were not in your room the night of Rinoa's murder. So where were you, and WHAT were you doing out of your room? 

Irvine: I told you, I was out to get something to drink. I got really parched. 

Seifer: Right. So, where exactly did you go to enter the dining room? 

Irvine: Uh…I think I went through the hall, and then to the library, and then through uh…I'm not sure what room…then to the kitchen. 

Zell (gasps again): Oh my! 

Irvine: Then to the dining room to get a drink. 

Seifer: And why can't you remember where you went? 

Irvine: Because I just don't! Why? Do _you_ remember every room you go to in your life? 

Seifer (coughs in hand): Did you have a particular grudge on Rinoa? 

Irvine: Doesn't everyone? Anyway, her boobs were too small, and that's very dangerous for chicks. 

Seifer (sweatdrop): Okay, I'm sorry I asked. Uh, Ms. Trepe. 

Quistis: Yes? 

Seifer: Will you go out with me? 

Quistis: Seifer! Get to the point! 

Seifer: Okay, okay. Where were you on the night of Rinoa's death? 

Quistis: Seifer, you know as well as I do, that everyone here was inside the manor. 

Seifer: JUST ANSWER THE DAMN QUESTION!!! 

Quistis: DON'T SHOUT!!! 

Seifer (backs up against a wall): Don't hurt me. 

Quistis: Oh, I've had enough of this! 

Seifer: Hey, I'm not done with you yet! What the hell were you doing before the last seconds of Rinoa's short and miserable life? 

Quistis: I was at the library, doing some light reading. 

Seifer: Do you have any proof of that? 

Quistis: Yes, as a matter of fact, I DO! (takes out 5 humongous books from her pockets (how'd she get them there?) and places them in front of Seifer.) 

Xu: You call that light reading? 

Quistis: Of course! 

Seifer (sweatdrop): Okay…Anyway…Everyone in this room knows that you and Ms. Heartilly were not the very best of friends. 

Quistis: Who said we were friends at all? 

Seifer: SHUT UP AND LET ME FINISH THE DAMN QUESTION!!!! Okay…tell me for what reason, did you HATE Rinoa? 

Quistis: Hmm, well we never had much to compete with. As you can see, I AM 100 times smarter than her, more beautiful than her, and – 

Irvine: She has bigger boobs!!! 

Quistis (Hits Irvine with her whip): As I way saying, I hate that little wench because she always gets on my nerves. She was always being a little goody two-shoes, and was always so _loved_ and freaking annoying! In fact, she was always getting in the way of a mission or job I had to do. And she's always so stuck up. 

Everyone: Go, Quistis! 

Seifer: Okay, you may step down. Edea Kramer! 

Edea (steps up and swears on Bible): Yes? 

Seifer: For what reasons would you hold anything against Rinoa? 

Edea: Is that the best question you can come up with? Well, as you know, I HATE it when people are late for MY DINNER!! And that little bitch just happened to be one of those late people. 

Seifer: Okay, and where were you on the night of Rinoa's murder? 

Edea: In the kitchen, washing dishes. 

Seifer: Okay, Zell, move your ass up here! 

Zell: Don't tell me what to do! (swears on Bible) Yeah, what do you want? 

Seifer: Where were you on the night of Rinoa's murder? 

Zell: I was…at the hall. 

Seifer: I see…and what were you _doing_ in the hall? 

Zell: Well, um…well…I was running around. 

Seifer: Okay…And _why_ were you running around? 

Zell: Um…because…um…I forgot. 

(Everyone falls on the floor anime style.) 

Seifer: You're hopeless. Did you have a _grudge_ on Rinoa? 

Zell: Uh, I _think_ so. 

Seifer: Okay. And why do you _think_ so? 

Zell: Um…wel…because…um…she made fun of _my_ name and she went through the kitchen. 

Irvine: What the hell does THAT have to do with anything?! 

Zell: I dunno. 

Seifer (mutters): Idiot…Ms. Tilmitt! 

Selphie: Yeah? 

Seifer: Where were you on the night of Rinoa's murder? 

Selphie: I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth. See? (takes out yellow toothbrush and Colgate.) 

Seifer: Okay…so did you have anything against Rinoa Heartilly? 

Selphie: Yeah. She acted so snotty when I mentioned _Trebia_. AND she stole my yellow scrunchy!!! 

Xu: No, she didn't. (holds up yellow scrunchy) You dropped this on your way to the dining room. 

Selphie (blushes): Oh…uh…oops! 

Seifer: I don't believe this. Next!! Ms. Xu! 

Xu: Yeah? 

Seifer: Where were you on the night of Rinoa's murder? 

Xu: I was here in the room. I was already asleep at that time, and then Rinoa's scream woke me up. 

Seifer: I see. So _you_ were present in the very room when Rinoa was killed. _Very_ suspicious. Tell me, Xu, you hardly knew Rinoa. What, pray tell, was your reason for disliking her? 

Xu: Well, she was a bit of a pain. And she snores loudly. 

Quistis: How did you know that she snored loudly when you were asleep before her? 

Xu: She kept me awake for almost the whole hour, until I finally slammed a pillow on my head to suppress her annoying sounds. And then afterwards, I guess she woke up at some point. 

Seifer: _Interesting_…Rinoa murdered in the middle of the night by one of us, and _you_ at the scene of the crime. 

Xu: What's your point? 

Seifer: My _point_ is that one of you (points at everyone) is a criminal suspect to this crime! 

Irvine: No shit! 

Squall (raises eyebrow): What about you? Everyone knows you hated Rinoa ever since you saw her. What were _you_ doing on the night of Rinoa's murder? 

Seifer (stammers): Um…well…(mumbles something) 

Selphie: What? 

Seifer (blushes): Um…um…I was… 

Edea (getting pissed off): Speak up, dammit! 

Seifer: I WAS AT THE BALLROOM LISTENING TO NSYNC!!! OKAY?! ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?! 

Zell & Irvine: Seifer's guilty. Let's get him! 

Seifer (whines): WAIT! I DIDN'T DO IT!!!! 

Xu: So if you didn't so it, who did? 

(The killer grins…) 

So! Who the murderer be? Is it Squall, in his own room, who hated Rinoa because she claimed him to be her boyfriend? Is it Irvine, in the dining room getting water, who hated Rinoa's figure because she was so _flat_? Or is it the intelligent Quistis, in the library doing some _light reading_, who hated Rinoa for being so perky? What about the forgetful Zell, in the hall claiming to be running around for no apparent reason, who disliked Rinoa for going through the kitchen and for making fun of his name? And you can't forget Selphie, in the bathroom brushing her teeth, who hated Rinoa for being so stuck up about _Trebia_ and for supposedly taking her yellow scrunchy. Or could it be their host Edea, in the kitchen washing dishes, who showed a violent behavior towards Rinoa for being late for her dinner? Also, we can't forget Seifer, in the ballroom claiming to be listening to Nsync, who was always muttering death threats about Rinoa behind her back. Yet, there's also the mysterious Xu, in the room of Rinoa's murder claiming to be asleep, who blamed Rinoa for snoring too loud. 

So, I ask again, who could it be? Any guesses? Any suspicions? Any accusations? Well, I'M NOT TELLING! SO DON'T BEG ME!! IF YOU WANT TO KNOW, KEEP REVIEWING!!! THE MORE REVIEWS I GET, THE MORE I'LL TYPE!! You'll be surprised who the murderer could be. Remember, it's not who you think it is, but who you DON'T suspect at all. But hey, you never know. Hehehe… 

Reviews please!!! ^-^ 


End file.
